i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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