Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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