I'm gonna have a badass scar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
