Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
