so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
