no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
