My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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