I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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