He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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