I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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