He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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