I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
