so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
