Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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