New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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