i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
