I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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