Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
