Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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