Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
