If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
