My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
