There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
