Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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