So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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