I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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