I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
