Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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