i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
