We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
