just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
