It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
