Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
