you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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