I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
