So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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