I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
