i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
