You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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