threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
