do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
