I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
