You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
