I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
