# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
