my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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