I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
