the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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