Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
