If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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