Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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