ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
