there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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