At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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