Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
