Say something about gay babies.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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