who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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