She just used a chaser for red wine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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