You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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