I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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