did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
