Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The adults are the big ones right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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