Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Even my vagina gasped.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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