so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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