break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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