Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
