We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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