Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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