I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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