i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
