Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
