I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
