I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
