So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
