my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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