why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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