whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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