I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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