Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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