I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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